Who do I trust?

When couples separate, trust becomes a concern. Each person becomes wary of the other’s motives. Communication between couples is reduced and, when communication happens, it often results in conflict.

Sometimes we face a lack of trust in every direction from our external conflicts and internal fears. My purpose as a mediator is not to focus on who did wrong or who was wronged. I simply desire for both of you to understand each other’s perspective and feelings to help rebuild trust.

How do we let go of what another person has done to us, especially when there is no evidence of behaviour change? That is a hard spot to be in. To help rebuild trust, we need to be listened to, understood, and create fair agreements with our former partner. When separating partners fail to reach fair agreements, their actions and responses can lead to ongoing, high conflict situations.

Rebuilding trust includes being mindful of who and where you receive information to avoid misinformation that can result in communication breakdowns. Avoid teaming up with those who oppose your most deeply cherished values. And be willing to give yourself or your partner grace when mistakes happen.

When building a separation agreement, trust is not a substitute for due diligence even when negotiating with someone you know well. It’s essential to put key terms in writing and verify commitments.

Trust is different than forgiveness. Trust is earned; can take years to rebuild; but can quickly break down again when breached. However, a separation agreement can help rebuild, establish, and maintain trust between separating partners—creating stability.

Your concerns are important. You deserve to be heard and validated when creating a fair and acceptable separation agreement. So, our focus is to provide you a personalized step by step plan specific to your needs from start to finish.