How does separation affect my children?

Children simply want to love and be loved by both parents without being in the conflict. When parents separate, a child’s developing minds goes into a mental tornado and they cannot emotionally or mentally comprehend the situation like an adult. Creating responsible agreements through the separation process helps protect children from harm.

The separation is typically between the parents, not between children and a parent. Children should not be prevented from seeing a parent unless there is a legitimate concern towards harm. If a parent is separating because of continual toxic environments, other protection mechanisms may be required to prevent further harm and should be immediately addressed.

When parents become immersed in the conflicts of separation, they may unknowingly create adverse childhood experiences (ACES). Some examples that create ACES are parents trying to validate themselves through the child’s eyes; openly shame, name or blame the other parent; discourage parenting time; and/or question their child after spending time with the other parent. When parent’s separate children can react by completely shutting down or displaying aggressive outward reactions (or not typical behaviours). Both parent’s need to be attentive to their child’s needs keeping their interests ahead of their own.

ACES may affect children’s future relationships with others, cause anxiety, impulsive disorders such as overeating and can lead to addictions if not addressed properly. Prevention is the best way to protect children.

Create a separation agreement with an experienced family mediator to help prevent conflict and adverse childhood experiences. Protect your children. Schedule a complimentary consult with Mike.