Why do I need a separation agreement?
A separation agreement creates guidelines towards parenting plans, financial support, decision making, and asset or property division. These agreements allow people to make personal decisions, lowering potential conflicts with their former partner or spouse. When responsible agreements are in place, freedom of choice without uncertainty, doubt and guilt results.
In situations where restoration is desired, agreements allow space for healing to occur. It is hard to work on oneself if in a constant conflictive environment. Restoration does not always mean reunification. However, when creating a separation agreement, communication can be restored to allow for respectable conversations between former partners, and effective coparenting outcomes.
Some of the conflicts we face are internal and may be a result of our own ACES (Adverse Childhood Experiences). Time in a safe place, away from our partners or spouses, to process feelings may be needed. After a healing process, full restoration of the relationship may occur (and the relationship may be better than ever before).
Why it is important that separation agreements are detailed and concise.
Good separation agreements have a clear direction and include clauses that help with getting the agreement back on track when the scope of the agreement may not cover new situations. There also may be times when we unintentionally fail to carry out the agreements we make, especially due to children’s needs constantly changing. We need to be realistic and realize that as children grow and mature, their needs will change. Changes in parent’s life also occur. New parenting or work schedules, future relationships, career decisions, relocation and health concerns to name a few.
Decision making towards the children is a part of the separation agreement. Decisions towards health, education, culture, spirituality or significant extracurricular activities are some of the topics to consider. A good agreement shall have both parents involved in the children’s upbringing with an effort made to keep each parent updated of their children’s needs and activities.
Topics to consider in a separation agreement may include how to effectively communicate, what happens in an emergency scenario, when do grandparents have access, and other specific decisions towards your family’s needs.
A separation agreement is responsible planning.
Overall, a separation agreement helps create effective coparenting plans, financial planning strategies, and, possibly, movement toward relationship restoration.
Questions to consider:
What outcome are you hoping for? What outcome is your former partner or spouse hoping for? What is your final goal? What is your former partner or spouse’s goal? Let’s work out a plan to get both of you there.